Second Chance

The deed was done. The evidence before my eyes
Left little doubt the die was really cast
For, in a moment, that poor body surely dies
And from despair my soul is free, at last.

Or is it so? The seed of awful doubt enquires
Whilst I stand, gazing at that empty shell
Denied, by my own hand, of those immortal fires;
Or is it so!! The tears begin to well.

The silence weighed with dreadful force upon my ears;
A pall of nothing, draping like a shroud,
A timeless limbo nurturing my growing fears
Until, at last, I uttered them aloud.

The urge to flee such enervating confines rose
Upon a frenzied tide of mortal dread
Which gripped my motivation in it's palsied throes
As from that chamber of remorse I fled.

No door was able to impede my headlong flight,
Nor did I pause to open them, yet,
My tortured mind took no notice of this oversight
And, in another way, began to fret.

I paused before I reached the little garden's gate
And wildly cast about for some kind Soul
Who might, in pity, save me from this awful fate
Or in some way, my misery, console.

But, lo, my hopes were mocked by yet another scene
Of time fast frozen in a mute charade
Where-in Eternity prevailed, where Life had been;
That Life from which my folly left me barred.

The pall of imminent alone-ness grew, in force,
Away beyond all limits I could bear
Until, resistance gone, raw Nature took it's course
In agonising tears of sheer despair.

How long I mourned there was no passing Time to show
'Til, all at once, I sensed a subtle change
As "Nothing" left, and normal silence seemed to flow
Announcing something new, ‘though just as strange!

I roused myself sufficiently to lift my head
And stare, uncomprehendingly, about
Into a void from which all trace of light had fled,
So utterly, my vision was in doubt.

Yet, strange to tell, my body, still, was plain to see
Alone of all, the darkness, might conceal,
And did, for I could sense some close to me
Although, no sound confirmed what I could feel.

Somehow, my mood was soothed into a settled calm
And, more relaxed, I waited patiently,
Quite certain that no cause existed for alarm
In what, for sure, would happen presently.

It happened, just like that!! I sat before a screen
And watched a film, which seemed familiar
Until, I recognised the Person "I" had been,
Amidst a wave of sad nostalgia.

I watched myself; no secrets hid, no failings blurred;
Good, bad, and otherwise, it all was there
Enacted, once again, as it had first occurred
But now, observing, I was more aware.

Then, once again, the darkness gave me solitude
In which to re-enact, with great remorse,
That chequered saga of a Life I'd just reviewed;
And ponder how I might have changed it's course.

So, one by one, I scourged each fault, which brought me shame,
Or made my actions seem inadequate,
Until I understood just how it all became;
And how the score of life accumulates.

That task was done for, now, I faced a new surprise
As, far away, a point of light appeared
Which, by degrees, developed both in glare, and size,
Until all trace of darkness disappeared.

My vision wilted in this overwhelming light
And, for a while, I couldn't see a thing
Yet, when I did, my Reason baulked at such a sight,
In protest at a vision dreams can bring.

I stood before an arch, a Portal made of stone
But paved with an expanse of living fire
Which led to where low-lying clouds had, somehow, grown
To modest heights, in sombre, white, attire.

Beyond the clouds, a green and pleasant valley lay
Beneath the azure sky of summertime;
And hills enclosed it, in the most delightful way,
To set the scene of Nature most sublime.

Each rounded hill bore on it's crest a splendid tree,
(I counted, and found seven hills around),
And to each a single pathway I could see;
Yet, even then, I couldn't hear a sound.

With Portal, fire, low cloud, and valley of great charm,
The vista was, already, quite bizarre
Yet, all the time, and with an other-worldly calm,
I noticed people coming from afar.

They didn't walk, they floated somehow, in the air
And passed right through the flames, into the cloud;
Small wonder Reason wilted in confused despair,
Or that I voiced my worries out aloud.

My fear was that the lonely darkness would return
If I declined to dare that sea of flame
Yet, even in distress, I didn't wish to burn
Although, the end result might be, the same!

With people, even "Floaters", I was not alone,
And that dread darkness really made me scared
So, finally, I stepped into the great unknown
‘Though, normally, I never would have dared.

Surprise, surprise! Those leaping flames weren't even hot,
(‘Twas only fear that caused me to perspire),
And clouds, which should be cold, and damp, I found were not;
Just more illusion, like that harmless fire.

And now I trod a valley path, towards a hill,
Uplifted by a sense of felling free;
Nor did I stop, despite the lush surrounds until
The summit reached, I sat beneath it's tree.

In some relief, I closed my eyes, to rest a while
But found that turmoil raged within my head
As paradox it vainly tried to reconcile
With "normal" Life; the one I'd left behind.

It was no good! I needed guidance, really bad
And, here, I noticed people everywhere
So, for a while, new hope precluded feeling sad
As my, "Hello's", resounded in the air.

In vain I pierced the atmosphere with ringing shouts,
Nor did it help to mingle with the throng
And, ere to long, my hopes gave way to haunting doubts
That, nowhere in this world did I belong.

This crisis passed as though it's substance was a dream
For, magic held this valley in it's spell,
So I relaxed, and drank from Summer's Cup Supreme;
To find my peace, and know that all was well.

The limpid air, the velvet sward, that sense of peace
And beauty all around, was Paradise
Of such delight I hoped it's spell would never cease;
Or Change, it's rare perfection, vulgarise.

My reverie came to an end when, far away,
A growing point of light showed in the sky
Approaching speedily, it seemed to where I lay
Debating what this wonder might imply.

This light became an oviform of gentle hue.
A mauve, transcendent, through some inner force
Which gave it Life, and substance, as it closer flew
And, Lo!, it was a man who was it's source.

Egyptian, by his features, and his style of dress,
So handsome my reactions were of awe,
And when he came to rest, ten feet away or less,
I craved to know just who this was I saw.

Inviting me across, he called my name
Which startled, and then puzzled me a bit
But, still, I made my way to join him just the same,
And picked a spot close by his side to sit.

My whirling mind just teemed with questions I could pose
Yet, not a one could I articulate
Instead, with all the certainty of one who knows,
This gentle man began to set me straight.

My presence here, it seemed, was by his decree
For I had yet to qualify, by right;
This visit was, in fact, so he could talk with me,
To help me get my troubled thinking right.

But, most of all, he tried to make me understand
My own, despairing act, was wrong,
More wrong than callous murder with blood-stained hand;
And retribution was both harsh, and long.

Much more, he said, in that amazing interlude,
Of plans in store for me, if I could cope;
Yet all my mind re-calls is massive gratitude
Infused with gems of incoherent hope.

The vision ended; mundane Life retrieved my soul
As I was launched into my second chance
But, this I know, that glimpse of Paradise I stole
Will all my future, and my dreams, enhance.

A. K. King 1975

Poetry by English poet David King