The Pain I Could Not Understand

Tears would slowly fall one by one
As I lay curled tightly upon the floor
Not knowing what it was I had done
Grateful for the sound of closing door

Right or wrong it made no sense
Is there reason, a reason why
For both, the same recompense
No matter how hard I try

When I was so very young
Didn't matter, who did what
I had learnt, I'm the only one
A victim in another's plot

Not one but five in all
Sweetness, light others see
Plan their devils ritual call
So it is released on me

Gender protected from harm
Enforced by ancient thought
Learnt young to use their charm
Innocence so falsely brought

Badness on their head did not bring
That fist on head then head on wall
Not me, him they need only sing
For me to hear the devil call

A father's love never known
Only fear of things to come
A son's love never shown
Repressed and feeling numb

This my son, you will never know
The pain I could not understand
To you my son, I will never show
Terror inflicted fist and hand

Poetry by English poet David King